One of the common characteristics of autistic people is having narrow interests. This could be anything – dinosaurs, solar system, flowers… trains. This story tells of Carrie’s caregiving journey from buying her son Thomas & Friends trainset to trainspotting with him in Switzerland.
Carrie’s son, Ethan, was barely 3 year-old when his parents were told that he has autism. After getting a second opinion that confirmed the diagnosis, they bombarded themselves with the ‘why?’, ‘what did we do?’, ‘what went wrong?’ – questions that nobody could answer.
“There was a lot of information online… all kinds of different treatments. We didn’t really know what was reliable. We just did everything we could afford. Our mentality was to leave no stone unturned. We even tried this energy patch, which we stuck on different points of his body… It was supposed to help with healing him through energy. You see, how desperate we were.”
Eventually, Carrie got in touch with an Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapist, who helped her to focus on what really mattered.
“I still remember what she said. The first six years are the most important. Early intervention is most important. Our approach changed to, find someone reliable and stick with it.”
With a grounded determination to not waste time in those 6 years, Carrie decided to focus on an intensive 1:1 behavior therapy programme for Ethan. At the same time, he also attended preschools like most children his age. As a family (Ethan has a younger sister), they did activities every typical family would. They went on trips, self-drove to Johor, went on outings and staycations, ate at hawker centres, etc. She is grateful that her husband simply agreed with all her decisions and went with the flow.
“I know this (situation) could make or break us. Many couples break up… For us, aside from the intensive therapy, we did normal things, just like any typical family. I am so lucky that he (her husband) just came on board with me, went on the ride with me.”
Throughout his childhood, there was a constant source of happiness for Ethan. He loved trains. The theme song of Thomas & Friends was played excessively during his therapy sessions and at home. It was a fantastic way to catch and sustain his attention for learning. He had to hold a small train from the trainset in his hand wherever he went, and especially when he went to school. His toy collection slowly became a trainset collection. There were Thomas & Friends, Chuggington, Shinkansen and many other lesser-known trainsets that nevertheless, held his attention and interest. Trainsets were also built into his reward system as he went on to study in primary school.
Carrie found out about a Japanese cafe in Singapore, where patrons could rent and operate a train diorama. Ethan was totally immersed in the experience. It fascinated Carrie to see him so engrossed and getting the hang of the controls so quickly.
When Ethan was around 11 year-old, he had a lot of behaviour and learning challenges in school. It was also then that Carrie decided to tell him about his autism diagnosis. “He was aware and able to see for himself that he was different from his friends, behavior-wise. He could also observe that there were other children in his school that behaved differently. I felt that by telling him of his condition, it would help him to rationalise, understand his differences instead of feeling there is something wrong with him. So, we (Carrie and her husband) told him. We sugarcoated it, you know. We told him that aside from the different ways his brain works, he is no different from the rest of us. That sort of thing, to assure him.”
How did Ethan respond?
“He said, ‘Okay, cool!’ and nothing much. Haha… Not even any question. It was really a non-event. We were surprised but since he was cool about it, we just let it be. Later, in secondary school, he could even tell his friends about him being autistic. His friends told him, ‘Dude, you are as normal as us, ok!’,” Carrie continued, “He is very blessed.”
Meanwhile, Ethan’s interest in trains had gradually expanded to include buses. From his house, he had easy access to the MRT, LRT and buses. Carrie lost count of the times when Ethan would share with her incessantly about his bus and trainspotting adventures. During his secondary school years, he found a community of transport enthusiasts that shared his love for bus and trainspotting. There was no detail that would be missed out when he and his friends go spotting ‘unique buses’.
“He can tell you every detail that was interesting to him. He knew so much but nobody else at home would have the patience to listen to him. Even I couldn’t take it sometimes. I just switched off. Haha. So, it’s good that in his transport enthusiasts community, he has a friend who shares his interest and goes on these adventures with him.”
Last December, after getting his GCE ‘O’ level results, the family went on a vacation to Switzerland. Ethan had the most fun spotting trams and a Swiss funicular during the trip.
Ethan has come a long way from Thomas & Friends. He is now waiting to enter his freshman year in Singapore Polytechnic’s School of Electrical and Electronic Engineering. He aspires to work in the field of public transport after he graduates. He still has some sensory regulation needs, and would sometimes, unknowingly chew whatever he was holding in his hand. But, Carrie has come to accept this as part of who he is.
Ethan always had a sensory chew item with him in school. Written rules and reminders were given to him to teach him to be responsible for it.
“It’s been a challenge ever since he’s young. He has put many things into his mouth before… blu-tack, small non-food item… We did what we could. It’s a sensory need; if he needs it, he needs it.”
With what she knows now, what would she tell her younger self?
“If I could tell my younger self something, it would be to have patience and accept that there is no perfection. Cannot aim for perfection. Sometimes, you just gotta let time do its job.”
Note: Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.
On 20 June 2025, CaringSG held its June edition of the REAL TALK webinar series titled “You Are Not Alone,” a heartfelt and honest session for caregivers of children with special needs. Supported by SG Enable, the event created a compassionate space where real-life struggles were shared, emotions were validated, and hope was rekindled.
On 19 June 2025, CaringSG conducted our “How to Just Be There” training for 37 Mendaki staff, introducing the P.A.U.S.E.™ method — Prepare, Acknowledge, Understand, Sit with, Empathize — to equip participants with the mindset and tools to support individuals with special needs through presence, not pressure. Led by trainer Jansen Sng, the session was highly praised for its engaging approach, real-life relevance, and emotional impact.
Over six Sunday mornings, something special happened down at Changi Sailing Club. Through a joint effort between CaringSG and the Singapore Disability Sports Council (SDSC), caregivers and their special needs dependents came together to pick up a new skill—sailing—in a setting that was equal parts fun, inclusive, and empowering.
On 17 April 2025, CaringSG hosted a deeply meaningful Self-Care Workshop facilitated by Julia Chan—caregiver, certified mental wellness coach, and author of The Healing Journal: A Caregiver’s Path to Self-Care. With a nurturing approach shaped by her own lived experiences, Julia guided participants through practical tools to better care for themselves while supporting their loved ones.
A big part of the joy in caregiving for children comes from being made to see things from a fresh child-like perspective. Teaching autistic children requires one to go beyond that. Often, one has to tap on that perspective and the child’s interest to engage them in learning about our neurotypical world. This is the story of Eliz’s creative teaching journey inspired by her fostered child, Eugene.
A big part of the joy in caregiving for children comes from being made to see things from a fresh child-like perspective. Teaching autistic children requires one to go beyond that. Often, one has to tap on that perspective and the child’s interest to engage them in learning about our neurotypical world. This is the story of Eliz’s creative teaching journey inspired by her fostered child, Eugene.
