I am sitting down to write this six days after I met Wendy, Mummy to an autistic daughter, over lunch. Looking at the notes I scribbled from our chat, the few words that popped up in my mind? ‘My learning journey’. This is Wendy’s learning journey as a caregiver.
Wendy’s daughter, Zoe, was diagnosed to be on the autism spectrum at the age of 3.
“I was just annoyed that her childcare teacher kept telling me there might be something wrong with my girl, so I brought her for a check, just to prove the teacher wrong. In the end, I had to thank her for spotting that my girl is different.”
A few months after receiving the diagnosis, she and her husband found themselves seated among other parents who also just learnt that they were going to parent an autistic child. It was a workshop for parents conducted by KKH.
“Everyone, all the parents around us, started tearing… some were crying. My husband and I were the only ones who did not shed a tear. In my mind, I was only thinking of ‘What’s next?’ “
Perhaps, it helped that at work, Wendy had just begun to come into contact with people with disabilities (PWDs) and was part of a team to make the workplace more inclusive. From her interactions with them and their job coaches, she learnt that PWDs are not disabled; they are able and can find work when given the right support. With that valuable insight and belief as the cornerstones for parenting Zoe, she started to take on every parenting challenge as part of her learning journey on how to give her daughter a supportive environment to grow.
She shared one of her most memorable moments when Zoe was in Primary 1. Out of frustration and stress from work, she screamed at Zoe and flipped the small table that she used for her therapy and school work. Her husband’s response, “Don’t vent your stress on our girl”, drove home a fundamental lesson she had to learn.
“I can change my work, let go of the high stress from work, but I can’t change my girl. I asked God for her; she’s God’s gift to me. I cannot change her and I cannot let go of her. I was very career-minded before, but I learnt that I had to let go of my career aspirations, to take a reduced role, because my girl needed me more.”
Even with the help of tutors and understanding teachers, supporting Zoe through school work remained challenging as the pace in the mainstream school was fast and intense. There was no time to catch a breather. Inevitably, that posed much tension in their interactions. In the second semester of Primary 5, Wendy decided to opt for Foundation Level for all the four subjects Zoe had to sit for in the PSLE. That was a decision that went the opposite of what her school teachers recommended, but also the decision that improved their relationship. Zoe was able to learn at a pace more suitable for her and Wendy was able to slow down and better understand how Zoe learns differently from her peers. For example, Zoe would mentally shut down if she’s pushed beyond her comfort zone; art and craft work is her way to chill and also manage stress.
Zoe’s art piece at a workshop held at Our Tampines Hub.
Zoe was painting her family.
“You know what’s important? To switch off the noise and distractions from other people. People around you always have advice and opinions for you. They meant well, but you need to focus on what your child needs. That is what I learnt.”
Zoe is taking her ‘N’ level examinations this year. Meanwhile, Wendy has already asked herself the question that has always guided her in parenting, “What’s next?”
“I need to find help and support for her social communication skills. Now, I am not just her mummy, but also her only friend. She would ask me to accompany her and she only has me to hang out with. Even when we are together, it’s hard to have a natural conversation that flows because she only answers what I ask her. She doesn’t tell me things out of her own accord. It’s not healthy. I hope she can have friends whom she can share her thoughts and do things with. I don’t have a solution to this. I know I have to find professionals to help her. Again, something I have to learn.”
Wendy joined Zoe in painting at a workshop conducted by the organisation Wendy is working in. Although she does enjoy spending time with Zoe, she is also concerned that Zoe has no friends and would be over-reliant on her for companionship.
At a school camp, where Zoe had to work with her peers. Wendy is thankful for opportunities like this. She hopes that Zoe would improve in her social and communication skills and make more friends.
Indeed, regardless of parenting a neurodivergent child or a neurotypical child, parents inevitably partake in checking out and, often, try to clear the path ahead for their children. Throughout our chat, Wendy shared more than once that parenting an autistic child definitely comes with more challenges and sometimes, she just had to learn from her own mistakes. But to her, that is also the most fulfilling part of her caregiving journey.
“My girl and I… we worked on the challenges, and we overcame and achieved some. Generally, she always shows improvement. She is teach-able and has a cheerful disposition. That makes my own learning journey less tough.”
What would she want to share with other parents on similar journeys?
“Don’t take everything personally. Special needs or not, parenting journey is more or less the same. If your child has special needs, you will surely have more challenges, but take it as a learning journey. It’s not the end of the world.”
Note: Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.
A big part of the joy in caregiving for children comes from being made to see things from a fresh child-like perspective. Teaching autistic children requires one to go beyond that. Often, one has to tap on that perspective and the child’s interest to engage them in learning about our neurotypical world. This is the story of Eliz’s creative teaching journey inspired by her fostered child, Eugene.
A big part of the joy in caregiving for children comes from being made to see things from a fresh child-like perspective. Teaching autistic children requires one to go beyond that. Often, one has to tap on that perspective and the child’s interest to engage them in learning about our neurotypical world. This is the story of Eliz’s creative teaching journey inspired by her fostered child, Eugene.
A big part of the joy in caregiving for children comes from being made to see things from a fresh child-like perspective. Teaching autistic children requires one to go beyond that. Often, one has to tap on that perspective and the child’s interest to engage them in learning about our neurotypical world. This is the story of Eliz’s creative teaching journey inspired by her fostered child, Eugene.
I am sitting down to write this six days after I met Wendy, Mummy to an autistic daughter, over lunch. Looking at the notes I scribbled from our chat, the few words that popped up in my mind? ‘My learning journey’. This is Wendy’s learning journey as a caregiver.
When Carrie first heard her son’s autism diagnosis at age three, she was overwhelmed with questions and uncertainty. But through determination, early intervention, and unwavering support from her husband, she found a path forward—guided, unexpectedly, by her son Ethan’s deep love for trains. From Thomas & Friends to trainspotting in Switzerland, this is a heartfelt story of a family’s journey, resilience, and the power of embracing a child’s special interests.
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