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I wish…if I could turn back the clock…

I wish...if I could turn back the clock...

“I wish…if I could turn back the clock, I would be more accepting of my son’s condition, and not push him and myself the way I did, with so much therapy and extreme desperation on my part, to see him improve….”

“I wish…if I could turn back the clock, one of the things I would like to do is to spend more quality time coaching and involving my son with real life daily activities rather than rushing around to fill him up with various therapy and classes.”

“I wish…if I could turn back the clock, I would start talking to more parents and be open to more options and activities for my children. Rather than keeping to myself.”

“I wish…if I could turn back the clock, I would give my son more hugs, more love, more understanding. I would make him feel that he is unconditionally accepted and that he is a blessing.”

“I wish…if I could turn back the clock, I would stop working and be with my boy.”

“I wish…if I could turn back the clock, I’d be more relaxed with my son, bringing him out to play a lot more than being cooped up at home feeling overwhelmed. I would teach him life skills instead of trying to meet academic demands, journey with other SN mums more, and pray more.  Jia you everyone!”

“I wish…if I could turn back the clock ,I would spend a lot more time teaching my daughter life skills that can lead to self care independence, like bathing, washing clothes, folding clothes, general cleaning (if her abilities can match up) rather than on academic programs like reading and writing skills which she still could not. Regardless what program your child is in, having a joyful time interacting purposefully with your child is what matters + caregiver’s self care. (My daughter has moderate-severe autism, non-verbal with a bit of hypotonicity)”

“I wish…if I could turn back the clock, I would let her start taking up household responsibilities at a much younger age at 5 years old. Let her wash her plastic cups, plates etc. I let her do her laundry using a washing machine at age 10. Believe your child can start early even though it may be messy a bit. They can do it. Just slow and not perfect.”

“I wish…if I could turn back the clock, I wish I had started earlier with XX but instead he was given so much entitlement and we were putting him into many classes, performances to occupy and engage him. In some ways it may be good but some ways may not be. It would be better if I could slow down and understand, support and coach him on a daily basis to help him achieve the necessary skills. We have lost some years but there is no looking back. This pandemic clearly helped us realise many areas to improve.”

If you could turn back the clock, what advice would you give your younger self?

Special thanks to Hope for the Journey (HOJ) for the sharing. Featured photo from pxhere.

Previous post: Why did Dr Lim Hong Huay decide to start CaringSG? Read more here.

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I Believe

With my kids and special needs families at purple parade in 2018

“This is going to be really tough. What makes you think you all can pull this (CaringSG and project 3i) through?” The icy question from a social service sector veteran pierced my soul as I searched deep in my heart for an answer……one that I will not be ashamed to give to my maker one day.

I believe in Him who called me……who has and will make all things beautiful in His time and for His name.

I believe in my fellow caregivers……who faithfully journeys with me and many others for years, even when it was in the unearthly hours when I was at my lowest.

I believe in my fellow colleagues and allies, who like me, have entered the disability sector with a heart of passion, and despite our myriad battle scars, have stayed on and kept going on, come what may.

CaringSG will realise our vision of “One Life. One Family. One community.” because we value every caregiver and child’s life as a unique whole irrespective of our differences. We believe in supporting every family to be healthy and happy throughout life course. We believe in a united special needs community in an inclusive Singapore.

Let’s join hands and hold each other up in this caregiving journey. The birthing is difficult. We will overcome. The building is arduous. We will conquer. The harvest is plentiful. We will labour joyfully. Through blood, sweat and tears, CaringSG will arise triumphantly. Not from pride in numbers but humility in service.

10 years on, 20 years on, I know I will look back and say, “ I am so thankful I believed.”

This post was written by Dr Lim Hong Huay, CaringSG Board Chair and Project 3i Lead, on why she founded CaringSG.

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